Uh, am I weird or is this a true feeling, I sighed first, and now I can feel am breathing, in my room, at my home, on the 25th of march at 1.28 in the morning, I am talking, well for those of you who read this, I am writing, but I feel my sound within my mind ‘talking’. Talking to whoever who is ready to listen. On the background is a song from the TV set, some song, Festival it is named as, I can’t understand the lyrics, perhaps and I care not!
The music is soothing, the feel in my mind is extra ordinary, a man who is told to “Act as if you have a life, in case you do”(24|03|2011) is happy, to figure finally out, that he is humane, full of life and emotions to support it with. Beg my pardon if I sound as if I am boasting. I do not want to, I should not, perhaps, even if I want to, what have I got to boast about myself?
In normal cases it wouldn’t be the case that I present two of my writings back to back based on a movie, but it so happens that I choose to write tonight, only after watching an extra ordinary master piece of a creation in Hollywood -127 Hours-
Like I said at the beginning, I sighed first, as the movie came to an end, and now I feel my breath, as sleepy as I could be, I know, morrow in the morning, my feelings could not be the same, my thoughts could have been replaced by reality, but now, am living it, a life of a loner, inside four walls. Just as Aron lived it within two rocks while his hand was stuck to a stone from which he desperately tried to move himself out, just but to ‘get a life’
None was spoken, out of the 92 minutes of the movie, at least a good 30 minutes would have run without any hesitance for the audio recorders and the technicians, it was complete silence, apparently which 30 minutes I slightly felt as if, it did move. The time felt as if it was paused, I, but was only a part of the silent cave that he was stuck in!
Aron, hears himself out to the cam-corder,
“I wish I had learned some lessons more astutely, more rapidly, than I did”
“I wish I had learned some lessons more astutely, more rapidly, than I did”
Did he have to go the wire of his life to regret the moments he lived, did he have to be given a second chance for what he think he could have done, well he regrets, he clearly does, not only about learning lessons more rapidly, but with the likes of the least such as retuning his mother’s phone calls when he had time.
Which I clearly haven’t, let alone the phone calls, I hardly respond to her, when she is in my room , talking to me, explaining about what my future is ought to be. I don’t respond!
And now, do I, ‘the psycho pathetic little brat’, need to go the wire, to the crack on the outer surface, where my hand is stuck, to realize that I am late, that I ought to have responded when I had time, and what guarantee does the crack on the outer surface gives me that I will be granted a second chance? Is it not too late, for me to have realized that I should do it already, well I believe not!
Is it the loved ones that we take for granted, the movie taught me, which I by experience now have felt, which I would regret every night, and promise myself that I’ll not repeat it the next morning, when I certainly do the same that I told myself I’d no! Am I an ass, or just a sorry fucking excuse for the decent human kind? I guess the latter.
Days have passed, as much as Aron in the movie thought, it’s me ‘Aron’, and he is what he is, only but until he starts fighting for his life, I too have thought as many others, ‘I am what I am’. And time now, truth be said, credit is to be given to REEBOK (RBK) for having marketed their brand exemplarily well. So much so, that every youngster would have a tattoo on his arm and a piercing on his eye brows, and call it, I am what I am!
Uhh, excuse my language! They are not the fuck they think they are! As much as they think they are cool, unique, weird, awesome, just the way they are. As much as they think, that they dress to please themselves, they are not. Pause for a second and think, how many of us really would go to bed, being happy about what he wore, had he not only been praised, by whoever saw. Why does the teen that gets a permanent art on his naturally ugly looking body, raise their sleeves up and show it to the people around them? if he tattooed his arm just to please himself? Why would there be tags, roles, characters, least be said, people named as Mother, father, girl friend, lover, sister, brother, niece, and the bigger roles as a hero, enemy, villain, star etc. etc.? Who are these the characters that we see every day? How exactly have they been what they are? Cuz, you made them what they are!! We made them what they appear to be!
You, on birth, were told, pointing at an unknown figure, to cal him D-A-D, DAD! You made him a dad, dad made you a S-O-N, SON! The concept of believing, you are who you are, is thus denied! You are what the society, people, loved ones, enemies, and the heroes make you to be. You are what others think who you could be. The part that you play in it is vital, but unfortunately, you don’t chose to be what you think you want to be! You are but a mere script written by a stranger, who was introduced to you after your birth, until the very last day you are ought to die!
I am so fucking full of myself! But, am I what I wanted to be or am I just another script written by many others? I know - I am! I am but another man, just like any of you, rather, worse than any of you, thinking that life is what I want it to be.
Unfortunately, world does not evolve around me, neither does it evolve around Galileo who found that the earth was not flat, nor does it evolve around the rich like Gates! It, as it has always been, is what it is! And we, until the time we die, will play the role that is written on our scripts by others, as they want and finally die, just as god has written it to have been.
Accept it, you might be gay, straight or just bi, you might be a hero to others and enemy to some, you might be the jack off all trades while being the king for many and it is only because the stranger you met after your birth wanted you to be what you think you have been. The guy, who looked up at you, made you a hero. The guy, who hated you, made you a villain. Guy whom you did not want to spend time with made you a jack while the queen who loved your presence in her life made you a king.
Be it, as I always like to say..
Deal with it, bitch!
